It still had an effect to me like it just happened yesterday. Those emotions that I have kept hidden since you left me hanging. They are patting me, pleading and demanding to be felt.
You still make me feel the pangs and the stings of waiting. Of hoping for nothing but pain. Of letting me waste my time to process in my mind that you’ll come for me and have the time of our lives.
It never happened
Back then, I used to love the idea of waiting. To anticipate a certain thing to take place and make me experience euphoria. To desire something that will put me in cloud nine. To have the patience of letting time passed because I know it will be worth it.
This is a lie.
Yet, this very belief shattered me to bits.
It caused me to kneel to death. Pleading to get my life. But it don’t. It just made me more disappointed. It prolongs my agony in waiting for sustaining my life.
I’m sick of this. I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of waiting in vain.
The thought of making me wait again brings me nausea It just gives me false hope about happily ever after. It makes me wish of something I can never have. It helps me to stop assuming things even if there is assurance. It have loosen my trust.
Then, I woke up. Life had made me realize that it is not waiting that I have abhorred. It is not the one broke my heart. It was …… you.
Yet, it is I that live life in misery.