Living Life in 1,2,3 or A,B C..

Lately, I am becoming fed up of what is going on in my life. I am getting tired of what I am doing. Seems like all my activity are repetitive; Wake up, Go to school, Listen to class reporters, Talk about our Thesis, Prepare for our tryout exam, Read books, Sleep. This is truly making me sick.

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I am so afraid that my life, right now, is truly a mess. I am a robot that is made to act as if I am manipulated by a system, doing things according to what is commanded. I should be really scared especially I am realizing what is happening in me. For as of today, I am a human being that is JUST bound to move and act because I needed to, and it is wrong because I am not making use of the life given to me.

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Life is not a dance presentation. It will never be choreographed. If that happens then we will never be fascinated with it. Life should be like reading, as we unfold each page there is something in our stomach that makes us feel giddy because we are unraveling its mystery. Pondering why we should not just be waking up in our everyday life. And, I know that this is not where my life is leading.

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It is really killing me when in the end of my daily to-dos, as the sun hid and the night is becoming young, I am to recognize that I am not living my life as it should. I am becoming someone who works for things because I am required to, because I have to do this and if I don’t I will just bring hassle and problems. That I am just doing things because I know that earth will never ever stop rotating and revolving for I want it to pause. Yet, that is not what really should be. It’s wrong, it’s bad and it’s selfish. I am just taking away my soul’s quietude.

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In the end, I am the one to blame in this dilemma I have put myself into. I am the one who overthinks. I am the one who let my live be lived in 1, 2, 3 or A, B, C like a recipe or instructions for some How To. I am the one who forgets to evaluate my everyday life and look for something new, for the learning, for the adventures I have encountered. I am the one who fail to recall that the word “appreciate” exists.

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