We are an impasse: Letter to someone I secretly, admire.

Let me tell you this.

Do you know I always find it weird whenever we have an encounter and you say “Hi” to me, and sometimes when I am with my friend, you will greet them like you do that because you are trying to protect something…

Or maybe whenever I caught you staring at me like I have something icky in my face or whatever it is that you find in it. Remember when one time in class you are looking at me and then someone had seen you and mocked at you of something. It feels like a crime to me like I did something wrong. I feel the thump of my heart in a sense that I am nervous.

That happens always, whenever you do weird gestures to me. I feel the pubb-dubb of my bosom like I am accused of something. Believe me, I am scared. Scared that one day she will come to me and tell things I don’t know about, or maybe tell to my face that I am one flirty salacious creature. Damn, I am not that kind and I don’t flirt.

Of course, everything is just a product of my imaginative story hungry mind. That will never happen, you had a girlfriend and it is impossible that you like me. Yes. Maybe I keep that battle to myself for three years, and I am always mind-cursing myself whenever my over thinking went to that part.

But, not until, someone had told me that you have a crush for me. Ohhh! I delight in it that made me admit to them that I also admire you. Take note of the word admire. Okay?

However, they are teasing me and joking me that we can be together. We all know that they don’t like the girl for you because of what happened and what is happening and later you know about that. Things change and maybe you despise me already. I can understand that. I’m happy you do that. Though, I am a little bit hurting on you, avoiding me.

Knowing hurts. It breaks the momentum. LOL. Yet, what hurts the most is that things need to change. You need to protect your togetherness. But, I am scared of what you think of me now. I am afraid that maybe you had a bad impression of me now, and I am sad that somehow our little friendship ends.

It doesn’t affects us much but it is a little bit sad when we are to reminisce about this moment.

Let me tell you this for the last time, We are just meant to look at each other yet we cannot enter each others door. We are just in the front gate and standing there, we cannot never cross the line and go on.

We are an impasse (and so are situation right now). We will not progress. We will not go on. We are deadlock.

P.S. if you will read this, but I don’t meant for you to read this. PM me.


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